The Pangs of Withdrawal

Is there an support group for internet addicts?

My laptop died recently and neither all the king's horses (my limited knowledge) nor all the king's men (Dell's technical support guru) could revive it.

This dilemma tickled my husband and daughter who will most probably bury me in my glider rocker, feet propped on the matching gliding ottoman with this or another laptop resting comfortably on ....... my laptop.

AOL insisted on installing 'updates'. Since I'm on dial-up this several minutes or longer depending on the number of up-dates to be done. The computer normally shuts itself off afterwards. No biggie. I've gone to bed without babysitting it in the past, so I went to bed. Mistake! Big mistake. HUGE!!! When I tried to sign on the following morning, the entire bottom screen option menu was gone making starting, restarting or navigating my desktop and computer options virtually impossible. *Gasp!* AOL wouldn't load! I sat with fingers crossed as I'd watch the little yellow running man make his way to step 4 time and time again only to hit the virtual brick wall.

I called Dell and was connected to a man who had an adequate amount of computer knowledge but, a poor grasp of the English language. To say we needed an interpreter is a major understatement. The tech and I muddled through numerous attempts in 'safe mode' which was proudly displayed on all four corners of my screen so many times I was beginning to consider for my new background.

We tried a few things before he requested a credit card number so he could "talk me through" a complete restoration; a process that, he informed me, would take two sessions and approximately 6 hours. 6 hours! Um, no way! I wasn't about to spend six hours traveling so deep inside my computer that I might never see the light of day again and pay a small fortune the process. I told Mr. Guru I'd take my baby to the nearest Geek Squad for an over-nighter first. LOL

Just then my daughter and her fiance strolled in. Imagine this! He's a computer whiz AND he speaks English. Yeah, you see where this is headed, don't you? I put him to work the next day and, as you can see, I'm up and running.

Life is good!

Tipping is a bonus not an obligation

This weekend while dining out with my husband, Ed, we started talking (laughing actually) about a day-trip we had taken to Manhattan with my daughter and her boyfriend last year.

We'd been sightseeing for several hours when we spotted a TGI Fridays and agreed that sodas and dessert were in order. The waitress tossed menus our direction and slammed paper napkin wrapped silverware in the middle of the table. She was snippy, rude and impatient. Unfortunately, for her, the snippier she got the funnier we found it.

Upon a quick glance at the menu we discovered a simple cup of tea was $4 and that the rest of the menu fare was equally inflated. Yes, it is NYC but........ really?!?!?! This seemed to fuel our silly mood. The waitress was not amused at our laughter. She caught us snapping a photo of our bill and demanded to know why, asked if something were wrong and would we like to speak with the manager. We assured her there was no problem.

We couldn't tell her the reason we took a photo of the bill was to remember the circled area on it where she dared suggest the tip she felt she deserved. There were options for 'good', 'great' or 'exceptional' service with dollar amounts in increasing value. We instead chose to tip her in accordance with her demeanor.

Waitressing is a fine art. I know this because I waited tables the summer between my junior/senior year of high school many, MANY moons ago. It's hard work, physically and mentally and the pay stinks.

Tipping is a bonus for a job well done. It is optional. Is it just me or do you find it in poor taste to dictate a reward for doing your job?

Oh and, by the way, the waitress we had last weekend in Hershey screwed up our order and was still tipped 20%. The reason, you may ask, is simple. She was pleasant, she smiled and she didn't assume or expect one. In short, we liked her.

TENJOOBERRYMUDS

I will apologize ahead of time to anyone who takes a personal affront to the following forward I received recently and found too hilarious not to share. As Larry the Cable Guy would say, "I don't care who you are ... this IS funy!"

By the time you've finished reading this you will understand "TENJOOBERRYMUDS"...

In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS". With a little pratice and patience, you'll be able to fit right in...

Here goes...

The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and room-service somewhere in the good ol' US today.

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

Room Service: " Rye. Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"

Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."

Room Service: "Ow July den?"Guest: "....What??"

Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"

Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please."

Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

Guest: "Crisp will be fine."

Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

Guest: "What?"

Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"

Guest: "I... don't think so."

RoomService: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"

Guest: "I feel really bad about this , but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RoomService: "We bodder?"

Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."

RoomService: "Wad?!?"

Guest: "I mean butter... just put the butter on the side"

RoomService: "Copy?"

Guest: "Excuse me?"

RoomService: "Copy..tea..meel?"

Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything"

RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy ... rye??"

Guest: "Whatever you say."

RoomService: "Tenjooberrymuds."

Guest: "You're welcome"

Understand 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' now? C'mon smile you know you want to! :)

Encouraging Illiteracy or Laziness?

Have you noticed how easy it is to avoid reading? Have you? Take note of your car dashboard, for example. Cute little photos have replaced the words wipers and lights. If the driver cannot read and has to rely on pictures, how did they pass a driving test? Who reads the map for them when they're lost? Oh wait! That's right! We have navigation systems that provide verbal directions as to which way to turn and when. Shouldn't we be able to figure those things out for ourselves? Are we lazy?

The next time you place a fast food order at your favorite automated take-out convenience store pay attention to whether your options for condiments are words or photos indicating such items as lettuce, tomato, onions and/or salt & pepper.

More often than not, restrooms show clever gender specific photos rather than men or women.

And my pet peeve .................. (drum roll puhleeze) ...............

Press 1 for English?? I'm not even going there!

Looked it up in my Funk & Wagnalls

Vituperation, invective, vitriol = abusive or venomous language used to express blame or censure or bitter deep-seated ill will.

Oh yeah, there's a story here and no, I'm not sharing.

Since previous blogs have contained both "the good" and "the bad" --- there was bound to come a time for "the ugly". This is it!

I promise my future blogs will concentrate only on good.